I’s Tired …


The day I moved to Kansas, I came into town

I locked the doors of the house on Crestway today, and drove away.  The rooms are now clean, empty, and smell of paint.  Its hard to believe that its the house that I lived in for 10+ years, but its easy to see it as the house I bought 10+ years ago.  When I bought it, the rooms were empty like this, there was a fresh coat of paint on everything, and everything was clean.  Heck … it was even the same realtor who sold me the place that took the listing for me.

As I write this on Friday night, I sit in a hotel bar for my last night in town.

On Saturday, I step onto an airplane just before Noon DoDa time  … and its a one way ticket.

I should be sentimental.  I kinda feel I should be curled up into a ball and sobbing my brains out.

I should be excited.  I kinda feel I should be banging on the door of the airport asking them to hurry up and fly me somewhere already.

But to be honest … I’m nothing more than tired.

I worked 14+ hours a day for the last week, and countless more over the past month getting myself ready for this move.  I’ve become focused like this is nothing more than another project, like the hundreds of major projects I’ve done over my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my moments.  This morning, while listening to a favorite movie of mine “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”  (playing on my iPhone with the video going in my pocket) I got a little teary about saying goodbye to something and not knowing exactly I was saying goodbye too.  I got excited late in the day thinking of the soon-to-be co-workers getting off work knowing they will start Monday with me at their side.  I got to spend a little time with friends tonight (Liz and Juan Torres, and Jeremy Phillips) to remember that I have friends worth feeling bad that I leave them.  And even as I finish this, I think of the mistakes I made and the chances I should have taken.

But, as the hour of midnight approaches … I remind myself to get a good night sleep before a long flight.   That analytical mind takes over one last time.  Not to say goodbye to Kansas. Not to kiss that last Dorthothy goodbye.  Not to remember that last good thing about this place.  Just to get myself into that hotel bed to get a good night sleep.

Good night Kansas, and … tomorrow … goodbye.


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